TODAY'S PHOTO OF THE DAY Huston, We have lift off!
by Brian 
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Today's Trivia
ShoesIn 1885, Jan Matzeliger began the first U.S. mass production of shoes, in Lynn, Mass. A patent was issued on his shoe-lasting machine on 20 Mar 1883.
Halley's CometOn this day in 1910, the Earth passed through the tail of Halley's Comet, the most intimate contact between the Earth and any comet in recorded history. The event was anticipated with dire predictions. Since a few years earlier, astronomers had found the poisonous gas cyanogen in a comet, it was surmised that if Earth passed through the comet's tail everyone would die. Astronomers explained that the gas molecules within the tail were so tenuous that absolutely no ill effects would be noticed. Nevertheless, ignorance bred opportunists selling "comet pills" to the panicked portion of the public to counter the effects of the cyanogen gas
Today's Chuckles
Keeping the Customer Happy"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank goodness I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting."
Hair SalonsA new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutter's place.
They put up a big bold sign which read:
"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIRCUTS!"
Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIRCUTS"
Quick Quotes
"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. "
~Charles Schultz
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" You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good. "
~Jerry West
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"The noblest search is the search for excellence. "
~Lyndon B. Johnson
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More Chuckles
Tool GlossaryBELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
DREMEL TOOL - A very useful tool for modellers which allows them to make more mistakes much faster, thereby turning $100 kits into spare parts, and completely justifying the purchase of another $100 kit.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your can drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit. Also used as replacement for screwdriver.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
