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Author Topic: Coffee Counter 2018  (Read 5964 times)
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BigAl
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« Reply #120 on: April 24, 2018, 1:10 AM »

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."


A girl borrowed the family car for a date and wrecked it.  Later, her boyfriend asked "What did your father say about our car accident?"   
"Do you want me to leave out the bad words?"   
"Yes."   
"He didn't say anything."
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« Reply #121 on: April 25, 2018, 12:47 AM »

'A modest little person, with much to be modest about. '  - Winston Churchill


Two Scotsmen, Two Irishmen and Two Englishmen are shipwrecked on a desert island.  Ten years later the Scots have opened a brewery and are selling beer to the other four, the Irish have divided the island in half and are spending their time shooting at each other, and the English are still waiting to be formally introduced.
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« Reply #122 on: April 27, 2018, 2:45 AM »

'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.'  - Abraham Lincoln


This countryís greatest problem is apathy.  But who cares?
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« Reply #123 on: April 28, 2018, 3:25 PM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for April 22nd to 28th


WINNER!!


"Serenity"
by Ian Clamp






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« Reply #124 on: April 29, 2018, 6:33 AM »

  Congratulations Ian  Thumb Up Well done
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Donít think about the negative things you canít do
Only think about the positive things you can do

A true friend is the best possession


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« Reply #125 on: May 4, 2018, 1:22 AM »

I say to the nation "Become a TOG and be twice the person you are now" - full wits!  - Alan Ternshow
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« Reply #126 on: May 5, 2018, 5:52 AM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for April 29th to May 5th


WINNER!!


"Red in The Rain"
by Fatman75






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« Reply #127 on: May 10, 2018, 1:10 AM »

Did you hear about the movie company that put up a movie set on a highway in California?   
Part of the set was a false filling station. The filling station looked so realistic that people passing by would stop their cars to buy gas.  A couple of stage hands decided to have a little fun when the cameras weren't running.  Whenever an unsuspecting motorist would pull up to the false station, the stage hands would act like they were filling the car with gas.  Then they would tell the motorist that because of a special promotion the gas that day was free. The motorist would drive out of the station with a big smile on his face that probably stayed there right up until the moment she or he ran out of gas.
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« Reply #128 on: May 11, 2018, 12:54 AM »

A fellow went to the hospital for a complete check-up, very depressed, and said to the doctor, "I look in the mirror, I'm a mess.  My jowls are sagging.  I have blotches all over my face.  My hair has fallen out.  I feel ugly.  What is it?"  And the doctor said, "I don't know what it is, but your eyesight is perfect."
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« Reply #129 on: May 12, 2018, 1:05 PM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for May 6th to 12th


WINNER!!


"Sheeba Khan"
by Fatman75






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« Reply #130 on: May 14, 2018, 1:33 AM »

It seems there was this fellow Earl who went to visit his friend Lester, who lived way back in the woods.  Lester was out on the porch just feverously scrubbing away, washing clothes.  Earl asked him what he was doing to which he replied, "Oh, my wife is off visiting kinfolk, and left me with the young- uns.  I've been busier than all git-out with the chores, and laundry, and setch!  And these diapers are the worst!  I'm plum wore out trying to keep them washed!"  Earl says "why don't you try some of those disposable diapers?" Lester, says "disposable?  what're them?" Earle tells him "Oh, Man, that's just what you need.  You get them at the store, they've got tape already on them, you just slap them on the baby, and the best part is when they get dirty, you just throw them away!" Well Lester was interested in anything that would save him so he said he'd give them a try.   About a week or so later, Earl goes back to vistit Lester, and sees him sitting in the rocking chair, feet propped up, sipping on a cold brew. Lester says "hey Earl, thanks for telling me about them disposable diaper!  I got me a bunch of 'em and now I've got time to relax, even do a little fishin'!" About that time, the baby come crawling out on the porch.  The diaper is FULL; it's even oozing out the sides. Earl says "Phew!  Lester, don't you think it's about time to change the baby?"   Lester replies "Aw don't worry - it saws right there on the box, them things are good for 10-12 pounds!"
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« Reply #131 on: May 15, 2018, 12:33 AM »

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
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« Reply #132 on: May 16, 2018, 1:19 AM »

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
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« Reply #133 on: May 17, 2018, 12:27 AM »

There is a great need for a "sarcasm" font.
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« Reply #134 on: May 19, 2018, 5:05 AM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for May 13th to 19th


WINNER!!


"Sleepy"
by Fatman75






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« Reply #135 on: May 22, 2018, 1:05 AM »

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and realize that I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
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« Reply #136 on: May 23, 2018, 1:28 AM »

I would rather try to carry five plastic bags full of groceries in each hand than make two trips to bring the groceries in.
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« Reply #137 on: May 24, 2018, 2:25 AM »

George Carlin said many years ago:  "Scientists have just discovered a cure for apathy.  However, no one has shown the slightest interest."
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« Reply #138 on: May 25, 2018, 3:44 AM »

If you can't say something funny about someone, don't say anything at all.
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« Reply #139 on: May 26, 2018, 4:54 PM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for May 20th to 26th


WINNER!!


"Downpour"
by Fatman75






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