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Author Topic: Coffee Counter 2018  (Read 4234 times)
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BigAl
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« Reply #80 on: March 12, 2018, 2:46 AM »

Changing one thing for another is not always reform. --> T.C. Haliburton



Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
drinking age for Rednecks to 32 Huh
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
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« Reply #81 on: March 13, 2018, 5:14 AM »

Every kind of service necessary to the public good becomes honorable by being necessary. --> Nathan Hale

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder:
1) The DNA is all the same
2) There are no dental records
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« Reply #82 on: March 14, 2018, 4:05 AM »

If economists predicted the weather and weather forcasters predicted the economy, would we be any worse off? --> Robert Half


Who invented the toothbrush?
A Redneck!!
(If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been a teeth brush)
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« Reply #83 on: March 15, 2018, 4:56 AM »

There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability. --> Robert Half



Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
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« Reply #84 on: March 16, 2018, 2:36 AM »

I believe that the scientist is trying to express absolute truth and the artist absolute beauty, so that I find science, and art, and in an attempt to lead the good life, all the religion that I want. --> John B.S. Haldane




HOW FAT WAS SHE?
1.  She was so fat that I had to run her down 'cause I didn't think I had enough gas to drive around her.
2.  She was so fat, we would take her to MacDonalds to watch the numbers change.
3.  She was so fat, when she got a shoeshine she had to take their word for it.


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« Reply #85 on: March 17, 2018, 3:55 PM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for March 11th to 17th


WINNER!!


"We're hungry !"
by droll13






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« Reply #86 on: March 17, 2018, 3:57 PM »

Law is not justice and a trial is not a scientific inquiry into truth. A trial is the resolution of a dispute. --> Edison Haines


HOW FAT WAS SHE?
4.  She was so fat, when she stood on a corner, a cop would come along and tell her to break it up.
5.  She was so fat, when she'd walk out onto the beach after swimming in the ocean, three guys from Greenpeace would try to throw her back in the water.
6.  She was so fat, she was named Miss Earthquake of 2009.

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« Reply #87 on: March 20, 2018, 3:19 AM »

Men will sooner surrender their rights than their customs. --> Moritz Guedemann


HOW FAT WAS SHE?
7.  She was so fat, she was sent over by the USSR to create a food shortage.
8.  She was so fat, she can't put more than an inch of water in the bathtub.
9.  She was so fat, she had more chins than a Chinese phonebook.

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« Reply #88 on: March 21, 2018, 3:56 AM »

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating


HOW FAT WAS SHE?
16.  She was so fat, on Halloween she tied a rope to her nose and went to a party as the Goodyear Blimp.
17.  She was so fat, that aside from the Great Wall, she is the only sign of human life that can be seen from the moon.
18.  She was so fat, that even Einstien couldn't describe her using only four dimensions.

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« Reply #89 on: March 22, 2018, 1:36 PM »

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."  - Samuel Johnson



HOW FAT WAS SHE?
19.  She was so fat, she could survive a nuclear winter without refilling.
20.  She was so fat, she had her own international date line.
21.  She was so fat, the speak-your-weight machine was struck dumb.
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« Reply #90 on: March 23, 2018, 3:50 AM »

"I've just learned about his illness.  Let's hope it's nothing trivial."  - Irvin S. Cobb


HOW FAT WAS SHE?
10.  She was so fat, when she laid around the house, she laid AROUND the house.
11.  She was so fat, she has her own Zip Code.
12.  She was so fat, when she stood on the corner in a blue dress, people would shove mail in her mouth.
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« Reply #91 on: March 24, 2018, 3:32 AM »

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."  - John Bright


HOW FAT WAS SHE?
13.  She was so fat, if you threw a baseball at her, it would go into orbit.
14.  She was so fat, she gave her measurements in "radius" and "degrees".
15.  She was so fat, she needed two watches in different time zones.
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« Reply #92 on: March 24, 2018, 5:45 PM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for March 18th to 24th


WINNER!!


"Basildon Park in winter sunshine"
by Nightjar






Click on the photo to go to Mike's album and leave a comment.


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« Reply #93 on: March 25, 2018, 3:53 AM »

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."  - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?'  - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)


Did you hear about the New Yorker who bought 4 snow tires?
They melted on the way home.
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« Reply #94 on: March 26, 2018, 1:24 AM »

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."  - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - - Winston Churchill, in response.



Q: What's a wrench? A: A place where people from New York raise cattle.
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« Reply #95 on: March 28, 2018, 2:53 AM »

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."  - Stephen Bishop


Sometimes we are better off if we do not ask too many questions.  For example, a man indignantly asked the waiter why he had his thumb on his steak.  Replied the waiter, "So it won't fall on the floor again."
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« Reply #96 on: March 29, 2018, 2:45 AM »

These aren't animals--these are wild quail.   -- President George Bush
(responding at the beginning of a hunting trip to a question of how killing animals fitted in with his goal of a kinder, gentler America)


Marriage: a war in which you sleep with the enemy.
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« Reply #97 on: March 30, 2018, 1:39 AM »

One learns everyday.  Experience is a great teacher.  By experience you learn.  But as I enter office, I'm prepared now.  Obviously, I will be more prepared as time goes on.  I will know more about the office of the presidency.  But I'm prepared now and I will be more prepared as time goes on.         -- Vice President Dan Quayle



A fate worse than death:  to be married alive.
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« Reply #98 on: March 31, 2018, 4:32 AM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for March 25th to 31st


WINNER!!


"Dillington House (again)"
by jane_t






Click on the photo to go to Jane's album and leave a comment.


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« Reply #99 on: April 1, 2018, 6:53 AM »

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."  - Oscar Wilde


The chief cause of divorce is marriage.
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