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Author Topic: Coffee Counter 2018  (Read 848 times)
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Pipeman
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« Reply #20 on: January 15, 2018, 2:37 PM »

Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd.   --> Allan Goldfein


Legal business card:     Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe         Attorneys at Law


There is a firm of English Estate Agents named - "Doolittle and Dalley"
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A bit like Victor Meldrew.
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« Reply #21 on: January 16, 2018, 2:23 AM »

If a growing object is both fresh and spoiled at the same time, chances are it is a child.   --> Morris Goldfisher


Three guys are banished to the Sahara desert.  One is German, one is French and one is from suburban Milwaukee.  The judge allows each to take one item with him for his 5 year banishment.  the German takes bread in case of hunger.  the Frenchman takes wine in case of thirst.  The Milwaukeean takes a car door in case it gets hot, he can roll down the window.
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« Reply #22 on: January 17, 2018, 1:49 AM »

The individual is the true reality of life. A cosmos within himself, he does not exist for the state, nor for that abstraction called society, or the nation, which is only a collection of individuals. --> Emma Goldman


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
1. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
2. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
3. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. .

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« Reply #23 on: January 18, 2018, 2:24 AM »

Philosophy is a good horse in a stable but an errant jade on a journey. --> Oliver Goldsmith


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
4. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
5. The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
6. To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

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« Reply #24 on: January 19, 2018, 3:10 AM »

I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine! --> Barry Goldwater


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
7. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
8. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
9. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

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« Reply #25 on: January 20, 2018, 4:08 AM »

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on. --> Samuel Goldwyn


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
10. The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
11. To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium.
12. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

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« Reply #26 on: January 20, 2018, 5:40 AM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for January 14th to 20th


WINNER!!


"Between the Mountains"
by Highcloud






Click on the photo to go to Christine's album and leave a comment.


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« Reply #27 on: January 21, 2018, 4:56 AM »

Anybody who goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --> Samuel Goldwyn


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
13. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
14. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
15. Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.

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« Reply #28 on: January 22, 2018, 2:24 AM »

The worst crime against working people is a company which fails to operate at a profit. --> Samuel Gompers


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
16. A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
17. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
18. The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only itis even deader.

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« Reply #29 on: January 23, 2018, 3:05 AM »

A lecture is an occasion when you numb one end to benefit another. --> John Gould


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
19. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
20. An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
21. We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.

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« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2018, 2:11 AM »

I rejoice in the multifariousness of nature and leave the chimera of certainty to politicians and preachers. --> Stephen Jay Gould


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
22. English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
23. By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
24. If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.

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« Reply #31 on: January 25, 2018, 1:01 AM »

It is fairly obvious that those in favour of the death penalty have more affinity with assassins than those who are not. --> Remy de Gourmont


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
25. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
26. Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
27. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

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« Reply #32 on: January 26, 2018, 3:06 AM »

Chastity is the most unnatural of the sexual perversions. --> Remy de Gourmont


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
28. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
29. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
30. A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
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« Reply #33 on: January 27, 2018, 5:18 AM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for January 21st to 27th


WINNER!!


"Bamburgh Castle2"
by trevor howell






Click on the photo to go to Trevor's album and leave a comment.


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« Reply #34 on: January 27, 2018, 5:19 AM »

The dreams of reason bring forth monsters. --> Francisco Goya


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
31. The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
32. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
33. It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.

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« Reply #35 on: January 28, 2018, 3:27 AM »

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. --> Benjamin Franklin.


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
34. Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
35. For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
36. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.

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« Reply #36 on: January 29, 2018, 2:25 AM »

Never contend with a man who has nothing to lose. --> Baltasar Gracian


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
37. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
38. For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
39. For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.

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« Reply #37 on: January 30, 2018, 2:49 AM »

It is a great art to know how to sell wind. --> Baltasar Gracian


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
40. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
41. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
42. For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.

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« Reply #38 on: January 31, 2018, 2:19 AM »

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. --> Baltasar Gracian


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
43. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
44. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
45. Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
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« Reply #39 on: February 1, 2018, 3:11 AM »

To be original is more commendable than being an imitator, and were it not for the fact that most of us are slaves to the power of suggestion, more progress would be made. --> Frank D. Graham


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS IN THE U.S.A.
46. When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
47. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
THE END

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