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Author Topic: Coffee Counter 2017  (Read 5534 times)
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« Reply #260 on: August 8, 2017, 1:38 AM »

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.  -- Mae West
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« Reply #261 on: August 9, 2017, 2:11 AM »

Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.
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« Reply #262 on: August 10, 2017, 3:03 AM »

I am dying beyond my means.  -- Oscar Wilde's last words, sipping champagne
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« Reply #263 on: August 11, 2017, 2:40 AM »

If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.
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« Reply #264 on: August 12, 2017, 3:09 AM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for August 6th to August 12th


WINNER!!


"Kingfisher"
by trevor howell






Click on the photo to go to Trevor's album and leave a comment.


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« Reply #265 on: August 12, 2017, 3:11 AM »

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  -- H.  L.  Mencken
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« Reply #266 on: August 13, 2017, 4:05 AM »

If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.  -- Sheridan
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« Reply #267 on: August 14, 2017, 12:18 AM »

Somewhere I read a story of a woman who wanted a divorce. She went to the courthouse and appeared before the judge. The judge reviewed her petition and asked, "Do you have grounds?" The woman looked at him quizzically and said, "Grounds? Well, yes, your Honor, we do have about an acre and a half." "No," said the judge, "What I mean is, do you have a grudge?" The bewildered woman replied, "No, we just have a carport." The judge was becoming frustrated. "You're not getting the point," he said. "Does he beat you up?" The woman replied, "Oh, no I'm up at 6:30 and he doesn't get up until 7:00." The judge was exasperated. He looked at the woman and asked "Look, lady, why are you here? What reason do you have for wanting a divorce?" The woman replied, "Because my husband and I have a communication problem."
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« Reply #268 on: August 15, 2017, 2:39 AM »

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.  I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry... How soon can I go home?'
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« Reply #269 on: August 16, 2017, 3:07 AM »

If I had any humility I would be perfect.  -- Ted Turner
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« Reply #270 on: August 17, 2017, 3:40 AM »

I love mankind...  It's people I hate.  -- Schulz
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« Reply #271 on: August 18, 2017, 2:16 AM »

In the fabled Kotiki city of glass, a group of 'anthropologists' came to visit.  The King got word of this, and realized that these 'anthropologists' were there just to steal rare Kotiki artifacts that they could to sell to museums back in America.
He was determined to keep his prized gold throne from American hands at all costs so he had the throne taken from his palace and dragged by slave-laborers to his fantastic Tower of Glass in the hills, where the thieves would never come upon it.
Unfortunately, the Americans stumbled upon the Tower of Glass, and easily saw the huge throne behind the transparent walls of the building. They stole it that night and made off.
The next day, the King was furious, asking his advisors how such a theft was possible.
"Well, great King," explained an advisor, "you shouldn't stow thrones in glass houses!"
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« Reply #272 on: August 19, 2017, 2:16 AM »

If at first you do succeed, ---
- try to hide your astonishment.
- quit; don't be a nut about success.
- redefine success.
- you probably didn't really care anyway.
- you're doing about average.  -- Leonard Levinson
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« Reply #273 on: August 19, 2017, 2:17 AM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK (POTW)
for August 13th to August 19th


WINNER!!


"Catch of the Day"
by trevor howell






Click on the photo to go to Trevor's album and leave a comment.


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« Reply #274 on: August 20, 2017, 3:21 AM »

An Arab Sheikh was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type.
After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and 100,000 in appreciation for the blood donation.
A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a corrective surgery procedure.
Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who this time was more than happy to donate his blood.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He then phoned the Arab and asked him:
"I thought you would be more generous than that -last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?"
To this the Arab replied:
"Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins"
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« Reply #275 on: August 22, 2017, 1:10 AM »

I used to be lost in the shuffle.  Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
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« Reply #276 on: August 23, 2017, 2:38 AM »

How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
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