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Author Topic: Coffee Counter 2016  (Read 14627 times)
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BigAl
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« Reply #380 on: January 1, 2017, 5:45 AM »

How do you know when you're staying in a Georgia hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go ahead."
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« Reply #381 on: January 3, 2017, 1:13 AM »

How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married?
There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
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« Reply #382 on: January 4, 2017, 3:43 AM »

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

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« Reply #383 on: January 5, 2017, 5:49 PM »


Photo Of The Month for December

Just a reminder that (if you haven't done so already) there is still a chance to cast up to three votes for one of last month's POTDs to become the POTM for December 2016

Just go to this link - http://www.photography-cafe.com/forum/index.php?topic=26060.0 and pick your winner(s).

Alan...Smiley
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« Reply #384 on: January 6, 2017, 3:51 AM »

Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi.
If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

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« Reply #385 on: January 7, 2017, 3:40 AM »

A Georgia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
The driver replies "Bout wut?"

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« Reply #386 on: January 8, 2017, 4:10 AM »


PHOTO OF THE MONTH
FOR DECEMBER


WINNER!!


"It's Groyn on me"
by Ian Clamp






Click on the photo to go to Ian's album and leave a comment.


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« Reply #387 on: January 9, 2017, 12:39 AM »

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

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« Reply #388 on: January 10, 2017, 4:18 AM »

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too. Both books - poof! - up in flames and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

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« Reply #389 on: January 11, 2017, 2:49 AM »

A new law recently passed in West Virginia: When a couple gets divorced, they're STILL brother and sister.
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« Reply #390 on: January 12, 2017, 3:15 AM »

Dear Abby:
My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker but many of his co-workers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat. I don't know what to do.

Signed, Frustrated

Dear Frustrated:
You should dump him. Now that you are finally a New York Senator, you don't need him anymore.
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« Reply #391 on: January 13, 2017, 4:04 AM »

A man in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds then it comes crashing back down. He tries this a few more times all the while his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need more tail."
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind, last night you told me to go fly a kite."

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« Reply #392 on: January 14, 2017, 3:44 AM »

Fat Theology

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. [/color
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.


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« Reply #393 on: January 14, 2017, 3:51 AM »


PHOTO OF THE WEEK
FOR January 8th to 14th


WINNER!!


"Gullfoss Upper Falls"
by Dee Langevin






Click on the photo to go to Dee's album and leave a comment.


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« Reply #394 on: January 14, 2017, 4:08 PM »

Question: If God waited until next to the final paragraph to bring forth potatoes, which Satan promptly corrupted into potato chips (crisps) with sour cream dip, then When Satan asked "Do you want fries with that [99-cent MacDonalds double cheeseburger]?" what were the fries made from?  Just asking.  Grin
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The power of coercion stops at the ability and the willingness of the coerced to take the penalty for disobedience. The power of love has no such limit.
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« Reply #395 on: January 15, 2017, 11:32 AM »

Origin of phrases
1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
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« Reply #396 on: January 16, 2017, 3:20 AM »

Origin of phrases
2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the! wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
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« Reply #397 on: January 17, 2017, 1:25 AM »

Origin of phrases
3. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
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